Health Freak Doing A Sober October Dies From Boredom

Health Freak Doing A Sober October Dies From Boredom


A self confessed health freak has reportedly died of boredom after deciding to stay sober for the month of October.

Peter Collins reportedly succumbed to his boredom in the comfort of his own home in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

The idea of a sober October, commonly known as Stoptober, is popular among people who like to gloat to their friends, lie to themselves about their lifestyle and drink nothing but detox juices in a bid to get healthy before completely wrecking themselves over the Christmas period.

Peter was always the life and soul of the party, explained close friend Alan Switzer earlier. Except for the month of October when, every year, he’d turn into a right boring bastard and just sit around doing nothing except lecture his friends on the importance of taking a break from partying for thirty odd days.

He really thought he was doing himself a massive favour by living clean for a month every year, continued a reminiscent Switzer. This year he really went for it by giving up fast food, drinking, smoking and drugs. He must have been so bored, its painful knowing that he was suffering in his flat when there was a pub just a thirty second walk away.

I’d love to say that, by being healthy, he died doing what he loved, claimed the grieving friend. But if I did I’d be lying, Peter loved eating shit, getting smashed drunk, smoking his brains out and shoveling copious amounts of anything he could get his hands on up his beak. Not drinking wheat grass smoothies and eating tofu bacon, so actually, he died not doing what he loved which makes the whole thing even sadder than it already is.

He was so close to making it through the month too, he had a big bag of weed, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a quarter of coke ordered for Sunday, now I’ll have to do all of that myself.

News of Mr. Collins death is helping to raise awareness against the dangers of boredom, with London nightclub Ministry of Sound championing a move to eradicate sober October by offering a free social life and a I Beat Stoptober t-shirt to anyone who breaks their Stoptober with them at their Halloween bash at midnight on the 31st October. All lightweights haves to do is find the promoter and say the code I’ve been in a self-induced hell for a whole month to redeem this offer.

Offer ends at 00.05 hrs on the 1st Nov.

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